Ever receive an unsatisfying apology from someone? They said, “sorry” and yet you still feel hurt and invalidated. Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of Why Wont You Apologize? Highlights the 9 essential ingredients of a true apology, and they are gold.
A true apology:
1. Does not include the word “but.”
2. Keeps the focus on your actions and not on the other person’s response.
3. Includes an offer of reparation or restitution that fits the situation.
4. Does not over do.
5. Doesn’t get caught up in who’s more to blame or who started it.
6. Requires that you do your best to avoid a repeat performance.
7. Should not serve to silence.
8. Shouldn’t be offered to make you feel better if it risks making the hurt party feel worse.
9. Does not ask the hurt party to do anything, not even to forgive.