DBT Skills Series 8

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Stacked wooden blocks with the phrase “What’s in your toolbox?” — representing building emotional tools with DBT.

Stuck in Sadness or Anger? DBT’s Opposite Action Skill Helps You Shift What You Feel by Changing What You Do

In DBT, the Opposite Action skill is used when your emotions feel real but aren’t quite accurate—or are pushing you to react in ways that might hurt more than help.

You’re hurt, so you withdraw. Anger shows up, and you snap. When anxiety takes over, you avoid the very thing you want to do.

It makes sense. But here’s the problem: when emotions push you into actions that go against your goals, you can get stuck in a loop. The more you act on those urges, the more intense the emotion becomes. And the harder it is to do something different.

That’s where the DBT skill Opposite Action comes in. It gives you a way to break that loop by doing the opposite of what your emotion is telling you to do—on purpose, and with intention.

Opposite Action is one of the core Emotion Regulation skills in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan. It’s part of a powerful set of tools designed to help you change emotional responses that aren’t effective or don’t fit the facts of the situation.

If you’re interested in learning more, the full skill is included in DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition by Marsha M. Linehan.

When Emotion Feels Heavy

Person lying in bed looking at their phone with head in hand, appearing overwhelmed and emotionally withdrawnYou’ve been feeling low for days. The urge is to stay in bed, scroll on your phone, and shut out the world. Instead, you do something small: shower, get dressed, and step outside. You’re not pretending you’re not sad—you’re choosing an action that might help shift the weight.

That’s Opposite Action: nudging yourself toward change, even when the feeling is strong.

How Opposite Action Works

Some emotions come with urges that make things worse—not better. Sadness can pull you into isolation. Fear can push you to avoid. Anger urges you to lash out. And if you act on those urges, the emotions often grow stronger—and your world gets smaller.

That’s where Opposite Action comes in: doing the opposite of the urge, on purpose, to help turn the emotional volume down.

Step-by-Step: How to Use Opposite Action

Here’s how you can try it for yourself:

  1. Name the emotion you’re feeling.
  2. → “I’m feeling shame right now.”
  3. Ask: Does this emotion fit the facts of the situation?
  4. If it doesn’t, or if the intensity is too high, Opposite Action might help.
  5. If it does fit the facts, another skill, such as problem-solving, may be more effective.
  6. Identify the action urge that comes with the emotion.
  7. → “I want to disappear and not talk to anyone.”
  8. Ask: What is the opposite of that action urge?
  9. → “Reach out to someone I trust. Make eye contact. Speak up.”
  10. Do the opposite—thoroughly and with intention.
  11. Not halfway. Not “kind of.” It only works when you follow through all the way—how you move, how you speak, how you show up. Even if the feeling hasn’t shifted yet.

A man entering a social gathering—on one side he appears anxious and isolated, while on the other side he is smiling and engaged, showing the shift created by opposite action in DBT.

More Real-Life Examples of Opposite Action

  1. When fear tells you to avoid…

You’ve been invited to a gathering where you won’t know many people. Just thinking about going makes your chest tighten, and your stomach flip. Every part of you wants to cancel and stay home.

You take some deep breaths, remind yourself you can leave early if needed, and walk in the door. But you don’t just stand in the corner and count the minutes—you smile at someone, ask a question, make small talk. You throw yourself into being there, even if only for a short while.

That’s Opposite Action: showing up and participating, even when your anxiety says, “Don’t.”

  1. When anger urges you to lash out…

You feel dismissed during a meeting. Frustration builds fast, and your urge is to interrupt or fire off a cutting remark.

Instead, you pause. You take a slow breath. You choose to speak in a calm, clear tone—naming what bothered you without attacking.

That’s Opposite Action: stepping out of the emotional intensity so you can respond, not react. The opposite of attacking is to calm your tone, stay present, and express your needs clearly.

  1. When shame tells you to hide…

You made a mistake. Now you feel like shrinking into the floor. The urge is to avoid everyone and keep quiet.

But instead, you gently challenge that urge. You show up. Then, you hold your head up and then let yourself be seen—exactly as you are.

That’s Opposite Action: moving through shame with dignity, not disappearing.

A woman stands nervously alone in a corner on one side of the image, and sits smiling and laughing with others on the other side, illustrating the transformation through opposite action in DBT.

  1. When hopelessness tells you not to bother…

You’ve been feeling weighed down for a while. Everything feels like too much effort. A voice inside says, “What’s the point?”

The truth is, the feeling rarely lifts on its own. So you decide to do something small. You get out of bed. Then open the blinds and drink a glass of water. Maybe you play music instead of sitting in silence.

That’s Opposite Action: doing just one thing to shift your body, your surroundings, and eventually, your mood.

Split image of a woman lying in bed in the dark with the thought “What’s the point?” on one side, and the same woman opening the blinds with sunlight and music notes on the other side.

Your Challenge This Week

Notice when your emotions are pulling you toward an action that might make things worse—not better.

Start by tuning in. When you feel a strong emotion, ask yourself:

  • What emotion am I feeling right now?
  • Does this emotion fit the facts of the situation?
  • Is the intensity of the emotion reasonable for what’s happening?
  • Would acting on the urge be effective—or would it keep me stuck?

When the emotion doesn’t fit the facts—or when acting on the urge won’t help—Opposite Action can be a powerful way to shift your emotional state. You’re not ignoring the feeling. You’re just choosing to respond differently.

That could be like reaching out to a friend instead of withdrawing.

Or speaking gently when your anger wants to snap.

Or taking one small step forward, even though fear says to run.

On the other hand, if the emotion does fit the facts, DBT offers a different tool: Problem Solving. That’s the skill we use to take action when our emotions are justified, but we still want to reduce suffering or move forward.

(We’ll talk more about that in my next post!)

Try Opposite Action just once this week—nothing huge, just a slight shift. You might be surprised by how different things feel when you do.

Want Help Putting This into Practice?

Opposite Action can be powerful—but it’s also tough to do alone, especially when emotions feel overwhelming or stuck. That’s where therapy can help.

I work with adults navigating intense emotions, relationship challenges, and patterns that feel hard to shift. Through individual DBT therapy and DBT skills groups, I support clients in learning and applying skills, such as Opposite Action, in real-life situations—not just in theory.

I offer in-person sessions in Las Vegas, Nevada, and Torrance, California, and provide online therapy across Nevada, California, and Oregon.

If you’re ready to explore how these skills might support you, reach out here to learn more or schedule a consultation.

You can also visit my DBT Skills Series archive to explore other skills or browse my full blog archive for more posts on therapy, emotional wellness, and healing in everyday life.

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