Overwhelmed? Try This One-Minute Hack to Regain Control with the DBT STOP Skill

We’ve All Been There…

You know the feeling—your heart is racing, your thoughts are spiraling, and you’ve said or done something that only made things worse before you know it. When you’re in a moment like that, the DBT STOP skill can help you pause, reset, and choose how to respond instead of reacting on autopilot.

When emotions take over, it’s hard to hit the brakes. Your brain is wired to react instantly when it senses a threat—whether it’s a harsh comment, a stressful email, or an argument. But not every emotional surge requires an immediate reaction.

Here’s the good news: you can train yourself to pause before emotions hijack the situation. One simple tool that can help is the DBT STOP skill.

Why DBT Skills Matter

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Marsha Linehan, helps people manage overwhelming emotions and build a life worth living. A considerable part of DBT is learning skills that help in real-world situations. If you’re new to DBT or want a deeper understanding, you can learn more on my What is DBT Therapy? page.

These skills aren’t just for therapy—they’re life skills that help you stay in control when emotions get intense. Whether you struggle with anger, anxiety, or impulse control, or you want to handle stress better, DBT skills can make a difference.

And that’s why I’m starting this DBT Skills Series—to break down these tools into simple, practical steps immediately.

The DBT STOP Skill: Your Built-In Emergency Brake

Sometimes, emotions move too fast—before you even think, you’re reacting. The DBT STOP skill is like an emergency brake for your emotions, allowing you to pause and choose how to respond instead of letting emotions take over.

Here’s how it works:

🛑 S – Stop. When emotions are high, Freeze in place. Don’t move, don’t speak, don’t act. Just pause, even for a second.

🚶‍♂️ T – Take a Step Back. Create space between yourself and the situation—physically, mentally, or both. If you’re standing, take an actual step backward. If you’re sitting, lean back or push your chair slightly away. You might even need to leave the room for a moment.

👀 O – Observe. Check-in with yourself: What are you noticing in your body? Is your heart racing? Are your fists clenched? What emotions are coming up? Anger? Fear? Anxiety? What’s happening around you? What is the other person saying? What’s the tone of the situation?

🧠 P – Proceed Mindfully. Move forward with intention rather than reacting on urges and autopilot. Make a choice that aligns with your long-term goals.

Using the DBT STOP skill takes seconds but can prevent hours, days, or even weeks of regret.

Real-Life Examples: How the STOP skill Helps in Everyday Situations

When a Conversation Gets Heated

We’ve all been in that moment—a conversation gets tense, and suddenly, you’re in a full-blown argument. Voices rise, words become sharper, and you’re saying something you don’t mean before you know it.

This is where STOP changes everything. Instead of letting emotions push the conversation off a cliff, you pause. A deep breath creates space, and you shift your body, or step back mentally before reacting.

As you observe the tension in your voice and the defensiveness in the other person, you give yourself a moment of choice. Now, instead of lashing out, you might slow your tone or even suggest taking a break.

Social Media Rage

Picture this: you’re scrolling through your feed, and you come across a post that instantly makes your blood boil. Maybe it’s misinformation, a rude comment, or someone being deliberately provocative. Your fingers hover over the keyboard, wanting to fire off a response.

But before you hit send, you STOP.

Instead of reacting, you set your phone down and breathe. You notice your heart pounding and the strong urge to engage. But then you ask yourself: “Is this worth my energy? Will this actually change anything?”

Proceeding mindfully, you might decide to respond differently—or not at all. And just like that, you avoid an unnecessary emotional spiral.

Using the STOP Skill to Manage Panic and Uncertainty

You check your email, and there it is: “Can we chat?” from your boss. No context, no details—just those three words. Instantly, your mind races to the worst-case scenario.

STOP can help before the panic sets in.

Instead of fixating on the unknown, you pause. You push your chair back, take a slow breath, and notice what’s happening inside you. Is there actual evidence that this is bad news, or is your brain just filling in the blanks?

With this perspective, you proceed mindfully—instead of panicking, you remind yourself that your boss had asked to “chat” plenty of times before, which wasn’t always negative. You’ve just given yourself space to approach the situation with clarity instead of fear.

How the DBT STOP Skill Interrupts Emotional Autopilot

✔ Pausing gives your brain a chance to switch from reacting to thinking.

✔ Taking a step back creates distance between the emotion and the action.

✔ Observing helps you recognize what’s actually happening instead of getting caught in the intensity.

✔ Proceeding mindfully lets you choose a response that aligns with your wants.

Think of it like hitting pause on a video game—you can regroup before jumping back in.

Your Challenge This Week

Try using the STOP skill this week when emotions start taking over:

✔ In an argument—pause before reacting.

✔ On social media—step back before engaging.

✔ At work—observe your thoughts before assuming the worst.

Notice what changes when you take a moment before reacting. Even if you forget sometimes, keep practicing—the more you use it, the easier it gets.

I will be sharing new DBT skills regularly, so check back on the main blog page to stay up to date with each post as they’re published. And If you gave the STOP skill a try this week, I’d love to hear how it went, what worked for you, or what was hard about it.