Staying with the Storm: How to Ride Out Intense Emotions without Losing Control

(DBT Skill: Mindfulness of Current Emotion)

You know that moment when you can feel anger take over?

Your heart’s racing, your jaw tightens, your thoughts spin faster than you can keep up.  You can feel it rising, but you’re not sure what to do with it — and before you know it, you’ve said or done something that doesn’t fit the situation. Then comes regret or guilt, and you wonder, “Why did I let myself get so worked up?”

Emotions can be powerful.  They rise before we have time to think, and as a result, when we’ve spent years trying to manage or hide them, they can feel even harder to face.

That’s why Mindfulness of Current Emotion is such a powerful DBT skill. It teaches you how to stay with what you’re feeling in real time — to notice what’s happening in your body, name it, and allow it without judgment. When you practice this, you start to see that emotions don’t have to control you. They come, they peak, and they pass — if you let them.

Why Suppressing Anger Doesn’t Work

Many of us learned early that emotions should be managed, controlled, or pushed away.   Maybe you were told to “calm down,” “stop crying,” or “don’t overreact.” Over time, you may have buried emotions so deeply they only surface as irritability, exhaustion, or numbness — until they spill over.

Emotions don’t disappear when ignored.  Instead, the body still holds the tension, the mind stays on alert, waiting for the next trigger.  Even minor stressors can start to feel overwhelming.

Mindfulness helps break that cycle by creating space between feeling and reacting — the exact space where awareness and choice live.

What It Means to Be Mindful of an Emotion

Being mindful of an emotion means turning toward it instead of away. You observe what’s happening inside you — your sensations, thoughts, and urges — without judging or trying to change them.

It might sound simple, but it takes practice. Most of us react automatically to emotions, trying to fix or escape them. But when you pause to notice and name what you’re feeling, your brain processes the experience differently. You learn that emotions don’t need to be solved — only felt, acknowledged, and allowed to move through.

How to Practice Mindfulness of Current Emotion

Observe Your Emotion

Notice what you’re feeling.

Pause and name it: “I feel anxious.” “I feel disappointed.” “I feel sad.”

Naming emotions activates parts of the brain that calm the body’s stress response.

Try to observe your emotions like a wave — coming and going. Don’t block it, push it away, or try to hold on to it. Just let yourself notice it. Your job isn’t to get rid of the emotion or make it stronger — only to recognize it’s there.

Mindfulness of Body Sensations

Locate the emotion in your body.

Where do you feel it most — your chest, hands, or stomach?

Describe it: “My shoulders are tense.” “My face feels warm.” “My breathing is shallow.”

Notice the sensations fully. Watch how the intensity changes over time — emotions rise, peak, and fade when we stop fighting them.

Know You Are Not Your Emotion

Emotions are powerful, but they don’t define who you are.

You can feel anger without being an angry person. You can feel fear without being ruled by it.

Remind yourself: “This feeling is happening right now — it’s not who I am.”

You don’t have to act on every emotion. You can let it move through and pass on its own.

Practice Loving Your Emotion

This is often the most challenging part — allowing the emotion to exist without judgment.

Breathe and gently remind yourself, “This feeling is here right now, and I can allow it.”

Respect what your emotion is trying to communicate. Practice willingness — letting it be present rather than pushing it away. When it settles, refocus your attention on the present moment. What are you doing? Who’s with you? What matters most right now?

Why It Works

When a strong emotion hits, your body reacts instantly: your heart rate rises, muscles tense, and adrenaline floods your system. Bringing mindful awareness to what’s happening helps connect the emotional part of your brain (the amygdala) connect with the thinking part (the prefrontal cortex).

In DBT, we call this engaging Wise Mind—the calm, centered place where you can see the whole picture and choose how to respond rather than react automatically.

The 90-Second Rule: Why Feelings Fade Faster Than You Think

Here’s something many people don’t realize: an emotion in its purest form usually lasts less than 90 seconds.

 Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, explains that the body’s chemical response to an emotion naturally peaks and passes within about a minute and a half. After that, it’s our thoughts and reactions that keep reigniting the feeling — like throwing logs on a small fire.

When you name what you’re feeling — “This is frustration,” “This is fear,” “This is sadness” — You stop feeding that fire. Your brain shifts out of survival mode, and the emotion can run its natural course.  Most of the time, we can ride out 90 seconds.

Over time, mindfulness of emotion changes your relationship with feelings. In other words, it helps you trust your ability to stay grounded and sit with discomfort — to feel it, notice it, and let it move through without taking over. You don’t have to escape it or control it —You can experience it, learn from it, and let it pass.

A Real-Life Example

Imagine someone named Jordan who’s had a long, stressful day. On the way home, they hit traffic, get a text about a missed deadline, and feel that familiar wave of frustration rising.

Usually, Jordan might turn up the radio or vent to a friend – anything to distract from the discomfort.   Today, they pause. They take a slow breath, notice the tightness in their chest, and silently name it: “This is frustration.”  They let the feeling exist for a moment, breathing through it instead of fighting it.

After about a minute, the intensity fades. Jordan realizes they’re not trapped in the emotion after all — it’s already moving through. When they get home, they can address the situation calmly rather than bringing the tension with them.

Your Challenge This Week

When you feel a strong emotion rising, try this:

1. Pause.
2. Name the emotion.
3. Notice where you feel it in your body.
4. Breathe and allow it to exist.
5. Watch it shift.

You might be surprised at how quickly intensity fades when you stop fighting it.  Each time you stay present with your emotion rather than avoid it, you strengthen your ability to remain grounded under pressure. That’s emotional resilience.

Ready to Learn More?

If you’d like to explore how DBT therapy can help you manage emotions and respond more effectively, visit my DBT Therapy page or explore the full DBT Skills Series for more ways to build emotional balance and resilience.  Or contact me. I offer DBT and EMDR therapy in Las Vegas, NV and Torrance, CA, with online sessions available across California, Nevada, and Oregon.